To say that in America we’re bad at talking frankly and openly and honestly about sex would be the understatement of the century. Somewhere in the realm of “the past year has been wild.” Most students in the US don’t receive comprehensive sex ed and aren’t given a space to learn and talk about sex, and it’s often still considered dirty or vulgar. So, to right some wrongs I’m going to tell you some things about sex that no one ever really talks about.
Sex means a lot of different things, not just “p in v intercourse”
Our society often just thinks about sex as one thing: penetrative intercourse. This is not true, sex is a lot of things! This can make people feel obligated to do certain acts if they “want to have sex.” But there are a tons of ways to have sex: oral, manual, phone, solo (masturbation). Also, this way of thinking can erase (and sometimes invalidate) queer sex, which is not very sexy.
It’s not just about the orgasms
Orgasms can be great, but they are not the end all and be all of sex. A lot of people may struggle to achieve orgasm for a variety of reasons, including taking certain prescription medications, and sex can still be incredibly pleasurable, with or without orgasms. Just talk to your partner and find things that you like, whether an orgasm does or doesn’t happen. Just remember, better no orgasm than a fake one.
Sex can end whenever you want it to
Speaking of sex not being all about orgasms, sex does not have to end once a penis has ejaculated (which is how sex scenes in movies and porn end). Sex can end after everyone has orgasmed, or no one has. Just communicate with your partner about what you both want.
It’s ok to talk during sex
In movies, the two love interests wordlessly fall into bed with each other and immediately know exactly what the other wants in bed (and also never discuss consent or protection). But in real life, it’s rarely ever that simple. Talk to your partner about what you are comfortable doing and what you like. No one is born magically knowing what everyone else likes sexually, so talk! Remember, communication and consent are sexy
Sex doesn’t have to be serious
A lot of people think of sex as this solemn and serious thing, but it doesn’t have to be! Sex can be funny and silly, and there’s nothing wrong with laughing with your partner (just don’t laugh at them).
If you’re looking for more information about misconceptions around sex, check out this article.