Cupids Health

Top 10 Hints You Might Be Asexual [CC]

Closed captions added 12/28/2019.

When straight is the default orientation, and you know you aren’t gay.

But you don’t really feel straight either…

Here are the top 10 questions I asked myself when trying to decide if I was asexual (Spoiler: I am both asexual and aromantic).

I’d love to hear any questions you may have about sexuality or your experiences coming to terms with your sexuality.

Two good places to start for more information:
Asexuality and Visibility Education Network (AVEN) —
The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker —

ace = asexual
aro = aromantic


“But he who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity’s sunrise.”
–William Blake

I N S T A G R A M : @remember_the_why
D O G G O I N S T A G R A M : @daisyswaypoint

P L A Y L I S T S :
~Tales of the Absurd:
~Real-world Minimalism:
~From a Recovering Psychotherapist: Coming Soon


About Veronica:
I make videos about real-life minimalist living, living intentionally, and sharing great deals and great finds. My foster dogs and forever dogs sometimes bless us with a cameo appearance.



45 thoughts on “Top 10 Hints You Might Be Asexual [CC]

  1. I think it is possible to become asexual just because relationships are so hard to find and so hard to maintain once you have found one. It is as though the effort is not worth it.

  2. So basically your intellectualy attractive to people. There's nothing wrong with you as person. It it your right how you want to be accepted sexually! No judgements , How ever as long as you are true to yourself as a person, that's what really counts and how you treat other people. It takes great courage to make a video to touch apoun your own realizations and especially to an peer group that as a whole may not all understand what Asexual is. Great job on this video and it's content.🤗👍

  3. I never really look at anyone and wanted to be sexual with them and just the thought of someone thinking of me in a sexual way even if I did find them attractive I would be very uncomfortable. My friends would tell me I was gay or either asexual and I've been questioning it since. A few months back I decided to try being intimate with my boyfriend because I was like I'm already 20 so maybe it's cause I never trusted anyone enough or had too much anxiety about it and I grew up with him and we where very close so I trusted him enough to be intimate with him but I really didn't see much of the hype about it.

  4. I knew as soon as I found out what asexual was. Prior to that I thought that I was just an anomaly, or that there was something wrong with me. When I found out that asexual was actually a thing, I was so relieved.

  5. I know this is an older video but I just wanted to say thank you so much. I've been questioning so much lately and watched a lot of videos but none of them have been as helpful as this, I can relate to pretty much everything you've said and it's made me feel so much easier about my journey.

  6. It’s so important to share personal experiences and to remember that Asexuality is a spectrum! I have no desire to actually have sex with men or women but I don’t mind hugs or holding hands with a friend – it only makes me uncomfortable when people want it to be MORE. Displays of affection don’t bother me at all. But it doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. 🤷‍♀️

  7. Me: makes lots of sex jokes, cause sex jokes can be funny
    Me: flirts with others just for the fun of it
    Others: "Hey yo. Wanna sex?"
    Me: "No."

    I'm an example of someone who PRESENTS as someone who's allosexual (someone who experiences sexual attraction). I love laughing at sex related things, dick jokes, playful flirting with friends, etc. But I still don't experience sexual attraction. I BARELY have sexual fantasies, and if I do, I don't experience attraction nor enjoyment in any form. All my allosexual friends points to a guy or girl and checks them out and I'm like "….what? I don't get it." Even in fiction, I'd love someone for their character and appearance, but phrases like "Step on me!" don't make sense to me.

    Just sharing my own experience. I'm sex-neutral so I hope that explains things

    My sex-repulsed friend thought they were asexual because they were sex-repulsed. They experienced sexual attraction to others, to fictional characters, etc. But they HATED the thought of actually doing sex. That's different from asexuality.

    Most of you are most likely asexuals, but it's just a thing that bugs me so I wanted to get it out there.

  8. This video helped me a lot thank you, I am currently questioning but I do feel as if I’m asexual and I do identify and have come out as ace but I always feel like I’m faking it because I have had crushes, or what no seems like a squish with people, because the only people I’ve ever had a crushes on where one of my best friends, and I feel in a way I was kind of pressured into feeling like I should feel romantically about them even if the relationship was more friendly. And I like the idea of romance, touching and kissing, not sex though, but I’m the opportunities I have been able to experience romance or kissing or like you said just having and hand on your legs/hugging I just felt uncomfortable

  9. Thanks for this video! I’m 51 and have all these same issues/feelings etc and I always thought I was some kind of freak because I have never experienced sexual attraction except for once in my life and it was only after forming a significant emotional bond. For the first time I feel free and normal and not under any particular obligation to feel or act a certain way just because I am not overtly sexual in any way. I used to think that a man’s attraction to me obligated me in some way to act and be a certain way and because of that I never wanted to be in a situation where a man found me attractive…this led me to gain 250 pounds so I could be utterly invisible. Now that I know that my feelings are normal and they are just different, strangely I no longer feel the need to keep men away. I don’t want them to approach either (unless they just wanna hang out and be friends) but I no longer feel this deep seated need to keep the possibility of them away because I will feel like I have to react in a heterosexual manner. I know I’m not gay or anything, I just don’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone and I thought it was because I was broken from being sexually assaulted when I was 9. So I can never know within myself if I was born this way or made this way, but thanks to your video, I no longer feel like a broken thing. I am just a different kind of person and that’s okay. You have given me much to think about and explore. Strangely enough, I finally understand the need that people have had to ‘come out’! When you are an ‘other’ that is a very isolating feeling and your instinct is to want to find others like yourself in order to feel you belong. You also yearn to be understood, heard, known and finally: accepted for just that thing that makes you different. My only question now is that if we are all different and we keep adding every letter to the ever widening LGBT…doesn’t it make them all meaningless and not special? I won’t be marching in any parades, but I feel like I will live my life differently going forward. Thanks again.

  10. This is not a video of why the viewer might be asexual. It's a recount of the blogger's personal experiences. While there's nothing wrong with that the title is so misleading. TLDW

  11. Huh. So besides being asexual I might also be aromantic?
    For some unknown reason I decided to open a video about asexuality, even though I know I'm asexual, but it actually helped me with something else?

  12. I'm strongly aro-ace. But I honestly think it's not actually that important? Sex is made out to be much more important than it actually is in reality. Like, yes I very much do not want sex. But most of my friends who are allosexual also don't consider sex to be a huge part of themselves? At least I don't think? Like, we spend a lot of time talking about things that aren't sex, and I don't have anything against that topic. In fact I don't think we actually talk about it at all? And it's not like they're doing it out of respect to me. It's just not a topic to us.

  13. My husband is Asexual. We haven't had sex in 12 years. Or longer. He did have sex when we were first together but he cut that off after marriage. Sex is VERY uncomfortable for him. I do not judge him. I accept him as he is. But I'm so lonely and starved for affection bc I love sex. Advice? He's a good man. But I'm so damn lonely. He's a good husband in all other aspects. But I'm so damn starved.

  14. When s friend FINALLY told me I was married to an Asexual man it helped me so much. I know it's a label but I finally understood. He's a wonderful man. Sexually we just do not match. Never have. This vid helped me greatly. Ty

  15. I've just gotten out of a very long relationship, and I was questioning if I was Ace or demi while in it, but stopped because the idea seemed to hurt him. Now I'm back to questioning, but I haven't quite come to an answer. Thanks for this video.

  16. When you were talking about the duplex thing I related a lot. I've never wanted an intimate relationship (or even much of a romantic relationship at all) but I thought it was just because of my claustrophobia until I learned I was asexual and aro.

  17. I'm still figuring myself out. I thought for a long time that I was bisexual, but I'm doing sort of more and more introspection, and I think I might be asexual. I find myself questioning if any of what I thought was sexual attraction was really ever genuine. I don't think I've really ever got the hots for someone from their body alone. So I might be a Sex-Positive Asexual person, which turns out is more close to bisexuality than I would've ever once thought. Not sure yet though.

  18. I've been binging videos about asexuality for a few days now and hearing the observations of someone closer to my age is what I needed. My doubts are gone now. Your video really resonated with me, thank you!

  19. I've got the physical, but not mental (most of the time) and my gf has the mental, but not physical (she's not ace afaik).
    Together we make a whole person.

    I'm sorry. I was really proud of this joke earlier.

  20. OMG you are so much like me except I am romantic. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to do the thing like 5 times a day and he used to keep touching me all the time and now I understand Im not weird or a bad person or broken…I just want my space and no sex or kissing with tongue, thank you lol I enjoy hugging and kissing just with lips you know…holding hands too but not too much. I love spending time with the person I love, but not living together. I dont want kids I much rather have pets. I used to identify as bisexual, but then I realized its the asthetics of both genders Im attracted too, but for relationships even though I have more male energy I prefer dating men. Complicated I know haha. Thank you for this video!

  21. For me it was #8, in which I’d check myself all the time but then also be like “Well I don’t want to have sex with X gender so clearly I’m just straight”. But I was always kind of like “Am I though? I mean there’s no other option right?” It never occurred to me that not enthusiastically wanting to have sex with Y gender was a flag, because no one enthusiastically wants to have sex with someone unless they are already in a committed relationship right? R-right? It took many many years for the other shoe to drop on that one and I’m relieved it did.

  22. Hi! Thank you for making this video, sharing your experience. I related to this a lot more than I expected to which is both beautiful and scary for me! I've always wanted a kind of an intimate relationship, but it definitely seemed like there was something different that I was looking for than what others were, especially cis hetero people. I think I really appreciate sensuality and even sexuality and a lot of things associated with being in a relationship, but I see them as more distinct than most people. I want more sensual intimate friendships and community relationships. I feel that singleness, friendships, community relationships are incredibly devalued but the hierarchy we place like couples, especially straight couples, on. I think I would like to have a family but I imagine something so different than most people. I feel like the aromanticism and asexuality labels help explain this difference of experience and wants and needs. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  23. Top 10 signs that no one gives a F**k about your sex life or lack there of. Everything does not need to be discussed ad nauseam. Let's start a club and go picketing with signs describing our private issues.

  24. I'm even disgusted at the word "sex" so much to that a point that I often confuse people by not conveying right meaning of what I wanted to actually tell them. But ironically, I'm biromantic. Is it bad ? Am I alone ?? 😔

  25. Your comments about celebrity crushes were really interesting to me! Because one of the clues for me that I’m asexual was that I never had celebrity crushes. My girlfriends would always talk about celebrities and liking them and having a list of unattainable people they would sleep with if they got the chance- but I could never relate to that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

  26. Funny thing you mention questioning if you’re straight – I started off from the bad identifying as gay. Ive always thought men were more physically attractive than women. But the fact that I’m not sexually attracted 99% off the time has made me consider scenarios where I could enter a romantic relationship with a woman.

  27. Yes 🙌🏻 I am totally the same way. I have an ex who was all the time touching me the way you described and it always made me uncomfortable. I was in my late 20s so we would talk about how it made me uncomfortable. But of course I was made to feel like I was the weird one.
    And yes, if I was going to be married I would need one of us to be out of town most of the time.

  28. You just 99% described me. The main difference is that I don't so much "not" want to be intimate with someone, but rather I simultaneously "do and don't want to." I think in my case, it's not so much about asexuality, but about discomfort with intimacy overpowering any sexual or romantic desires I might have below the surface.

    The weird thing is that I first heard the term "asexual" from my mother speculating that that's what I was. Of course, I was a kid at the time, and my mother was kind of speaking in a random steam of consciousness at the time, and usually doesn't even listen to what she's actually saying. But I thought that was weird.

  29. I was sooo confused on what Asexuality meant until I found your page. Just trying to have a open mind to understand & have compassion for others although I'm a heterosexual, You explained it perfectly

  30. One sign for me that let me know I was asexual. Was that I never knew what my “type” of was. I genuinely did not know what I was attracted to because I wasn’t attracted to anyone at all.

  31. Thank you for this video. I found it to be very informative and helpful. I don't know if I am a e. I do know that I am romantic but in the same time I don't know if I even believe in romance. Does that make any sense? Maybe because it all sounds like a fairy tale to me. I think I am just damaged, maybe beyond repair. I do know that I have big trust issues. But thank you.

  32. Quick note. As many commenters have pointed out, this video covers my experience as an aro ace. Some of the topics I cover are ace-specific, some aro-specific, and some intertwine my aro-ace experience. YMMV.

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