It’s safe to say everyone’s lives have been upended by the coronavirus. But what happens when your sex life starts to disappear because of it? If you’re quarantined with your partner, it can be easy for people to assume you’re getting it on the regular. You’re home more often than usual with all those opportunities to have sex in the kitchen, on the couch, and maybe even in the bed. But these aren’t exactly regular times, are they? And plenty of people are finding that despite having more opportunities to do so, they just don’t want to have sex right now. So how do you get back in the groove if the pandemic is wrecking your libido?
First of all, honor your emotions. It can definitely suck to lose that lovin’ feeling if you’re used to getting frisky regularly. But a lot of things are going on in the world that could be causing anxiety or stress, which can knock out sexual desire in different ways.
The world is chaotic right now and you’re allowed feel some kind of way about that. So don’t be hard on yourself if worrying about current events meddles with your mojo.
Try to identify your stressors and then catalogue their effects on your body. Check in with yourself: Are your shoulders up around your ears? Are you clenching your jaw? When you sense tension in your muscles, make a conscious effort to release it. Taking a break from the 24-hour news cycle may also stop your brain from spinning on an endless hamster wheel. If you can, light an aromatherapy candle, take a nap, get in a hot bath, and/or take deep, steady breaths.
What does any of this have to do with sex? Your mind and body work in tandem to get you in the mood. Being gentle with yourself and prioritizing your mental health can help put you in a better frame of mind for the horizontal tango. Teamwork makes the (wet) dream work.
Next, think about the things that turn you on (here are a few faves turning us on rn for inspo) and indulge in ALL of the sexy things. Put on that lacy lingerie—or your best leather bodysuit if you’re a boss b*tch like that—and pose for the gods in the mirror. Strut around your house like the Victoria’s Secret Angel you are. Watch a scary movie or show that happens to also be sexy AF, like one of these.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to have sex if your libido is pumping the brakes. Everyone could use a rest at some point. Anxiety over not having sex tends to feed on itself, further preventing you from relaxing enough to do the do. If you’re especially craving the closeness sex can bring, intimacy doesn’t have to involve penetration or a sexual act at all. Aim for the sensuality of an oil massage with a partner or lounge in a fragrant bath together. Cuddle up together under a soft and decadent blanket. Sometimes just getting buck naked and chilling can raise the temperature until you feel downright steamy. And if sex feels like too much work right now, ain’t no shame in the solo game—which might just wake your libido up.
Most of all, remember that nothing’s “wrong” with you if life makes you the opposite of horny right now. You’re dealing with a lot, but you’re doing amazing.
P.S. If that horizontal tango has left you feeling itchy, burny, discharge-y or anything else not right, here’s how you can get STI testing done from the comfort of your own home.