Sometimes forces outside our control seem to be conspiring to make our genitalia shrivel up and fall off like little strips of dried mango. We’re living through just such a time right now, but there is, for the first time in so long, a light at the end of the tunnel. So what can you do to prepare for when your fun bits might be ready to rejoin the land of the living?

Just like you wouldn’t put a raisin in a glass of water and expect to have a grape five minutes later, don’t expect a miraculous, overnight recovery of your sex drive.

The best thing you can do in life is slather everything in sight (besides the floor) with lots of lube. Just be sure not to use silicone-based lube with silicone toys, unless you put a condom over the toy. And never mix oil-based lube with condoms—it can cause them to break.

Foreplay can be whatever feels good for you, whether that’s time with your favorite vibe, making out on the couch, or simply looking at screenshots of your favorite headlines from recent history.

Try looking at yourself in the mirror and whispering “Hey, you sexy thing. America is a democracy.” We find this is the quickest way to get in the mood.

Get that SAP, HAP, WAP, or DAP covered for 2021. Open enrollment for the Affordable Care Act plans is going on until December 15. Learn more about how (and why) to sign up.


P.S. Get ready because Wednesday is the most important holiday of the year—Thanks, Birth Control Day! Join the fun on November 18th by sharing your love for birth control on your favorite social media channel using the hashtag #ThxBirthControl.


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