The past few days have honestly been a shit show. On Wednesday afternoon the crisis team was called but they advised I go straight to A&E due to concerns over how low my mood was. I went. I had an assessment with the psych team and they suggested I go to the psych ward, I refused as it just seemed completely pointless. So I was assessed again and put on section 2 and transferred to the local psych ward.

Yesterday, I had a review with the psychiatrist and begged to go home. It was a firm no and that they wanted to do a meds review as it was clear I was “severely depressed”. Anyone who knows antidepressants will know it can take weeks for them to kick in.

A few hours later I tried to take my life, I had smuggled in a plastic bag and a cord but the staff checked on me far earlier than they should have and caught me out completely. Safe to say I was devastated. My room got practically stripped and now I have nothing. I’ll just wait until I’m out.

I’m now on quite a lot of diazepam which is just knocking me out but I’m more terrified it will make me gain weight. I hate feeling so out of it too.

On top of that, I may not be allowed to go back to residential. That means I’ll be discharged to the community with barely any support. I should care but tbh I’m just exhausted and don’t have the energy. All I can think about is ending my life.

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